Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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