I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
