sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize