if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize