We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
