Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
