I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
