he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
