And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
