My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
