I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
