'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
soo... how was my night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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