i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
