3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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