ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
