he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
