the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
