I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
