Fine. I'll sleep in my office
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
