you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
did i just pee glitter
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
