More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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