no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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