sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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