Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
