im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize