I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
