So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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