that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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