You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
