I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize