just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
