Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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