just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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