Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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