Will you blow on my dice?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Porn is love you can see.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
