if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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