I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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