i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
