I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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