you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Green mimosas i think yes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
