Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
