Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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