just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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