I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize