i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
