my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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