Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
