Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
