i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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