dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
