hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
time to smoke my breakfast
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
