so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Randomize
