that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
