You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
