there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize