I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
