Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
