i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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