Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
