barbara walters just said penis...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
