What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
