i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
