I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
