It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
