I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
whose ass print is on the piano?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
