I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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