New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
