I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
