peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
