This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
