He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
