swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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