either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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